May 23, 2012

It’s been such a weird day of highs and lows. I’m currently sitting here, writing, in an effort to get out of my head.

Irony, I hardly knew ye…

Charlie and I talked briefly about taking a small vacation after I finished the spring semester in an attempt to distance myself from the stress of finishing it, and from what is turning into an insanely busy time at work. He posited originally that we take this weekend to get away, but I have commitments and could not. I opted instead that we take a vacation similar to the one we took last year, after I was finished with the summer semester.

I’m not sure that I can make it that long, but again, I’m only speaking from a worn-out place today.

I have to remind myself often that even though reality is of my own perception, I’m often an unreliable narrator. The fact that I am on Buspar to adjust my brain chemistry is proof of this. The fact of the matter is, there are plenty of things that I will be doing in my free time between now and the end of August to get away from my own head.

K and I plan on riding bikes in the summer; I know that I’ll be headed out to Lake Milton a few times over the summer; I’m going to my 10-year reunion this summer; I have plans to hang out with my friends in Columbus, too. I have books to read and art to make.

Part of my struggle will always be to get out of my own head, to stop trusting my narrator is omniscient.

I think the benefit to today is that it’s over, and I get to start fresh tomorrow, to look forward with a positive outlook. Embracing tomorrow with optimism is my choice, I get to choose how I’m going to live my life.

I find that idea comforting.

One thought on “May 23, 2012

  1. A good night of sleep fixes sooo much. Sometimes, when I get excited and make tons of plans to have fun… all those plans start wearing on me too! Like… things I need to do to prepare for the fun, and always money. Geesh. Always the damn money.
    It will get better! Promise!

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