January 25, 2012

I’m dragging pretty hard today after a long day yesterday. We were doing introductions/networking in my capstone class last night and that ran until 10:30. I didn’t get home until 11:15, and didn’t fall asleep until midnight. I still got up at my regular time of 5:45 though.
I’ve uncomfortably noticed how awkward I feel/am when I’m talking to large groups of people. One-on-one, meeting new people is no problem: I’m pretty good at controlling the word vomit. When I’m giving large presentations, I’m fine: the focus isn’t on me, but on the subject I’m presenting, so there’s no room for over-sharing. But when I get up in front of large groups and have to talk about myself, it’s just this awkward diarrhea of the mouth that I can’t control while at the same time knowing that I’m not controlling it and wanting so bad to STFU.
That was last night, during our classroom networking/introductions; it was so painful. I’m still trying to not obsess over it, but we all know how good I am about not vortexing through negative self-talk…
Quite simply, between reliving every awkward moment from last night in my head several times over, and the lack of sleep, I can’t wait to be unconscious.

But there are definitely some things I am grateful for:
  1. Fresh haircut: it actually has shape again!
  2. Being able to grocery shop in a small town in a small store at 8:00 at night. I had the whole place to myself, practically!
  3. I did a Sun Salutation after my workout today, and good gravy, did that ever feel good!
  4. I had a raspberry Life Saver today, which was a nice little treat.
  5. My mini herb garden in my office: I nearly dried them right in their pots, but I’ve moved them around and am trying to save them. Keep your fingers crossed.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace in Small Things.

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