March 12, 2011

Right now, my very expensive lifestyle gym and I are going through a trial separation.

I’ve never been a “fitness for the sake of fitness” person.  I don’t really like working out, I don’t like forcing myself to go to the gym, I don’t know how far I can push myself.  I enjoyed horseback rising when I was a kid – which is an intensely physical sport.  But I let that go when I was 14, I returned to it briefly when I was 21, and have had to put it on hiatus for the time being because it’s so expensive – even if you aren’t showing.

No, my “enjoyment” of fitness is purely for vanity’s sake: I want abs and buns you can bounce a quarter off of.

The Boy made huge and radical changes to his lifestyle in 2009 after quitting smoking and dropping over 60 pounds.  He changed the entire way he lived his life from food to fitness, and maintains a daily commitment to that goal.  I, however, haven’t made that life change. There’s 50% of me that really wants to be ripped; but another 50% of me that finds it way more to my suiting to eat that second helping of lobster mac and cheese.

And therein lies the problem: I haven’t hit “rock bottom” on my lifestyle change.  The only way I finally quit smoking in November of 2009, was I failed at trying to quit a lot (a lot), and finally said, “That’s it, I’m sick of this. I can’t keep living like this.”

And I quit.  Cold turkey, I quit smoking.  I haven’t been back. I haven’t looked at a cigarette, I haven’t tried a cigarette.  There’s no “Social Smoker Julia.” Now, I am a non-smoker, and I couldn’t even imagine going back to smoking.

I just wonder what I need to do to get that same level of lifestyle commitment with fitness.