December 26, 2009

So, Christmas 2009 has come and gone, and now we turn our faces towards the dawn of a new year.  I suppose that one cannot move forward without at least some acknowledgment of the past.

I don’t really know what the take-away is for this year.  It was a 50/50 Christmas.  K presented me with some of the most wonderful, thoughtful gifts I’ve gotten in a long time (Sweet Bird of Youth with Mark Harmon almost-nude…anyone? …Anyone? Whatev, I sometimes find myself screeching “Heavenly” with a terrible Southern accent randomly – it’s a Tennessee Williams thing). The Boy surprised me with a beautiful diamond necklace that I was going to buy myself, and my parents bought me some toys for my hopeless chest.

Broadening my reflection, the changes of the past year have definitely changed me: I’m sufficient, I can make my own money, I’m going to be okay.

But while toasting at Yule, my struggle to find an oath for 2010 came to me: it’s not about the particular tasks to accomplish, but the driving force behind them.  Why complete a 101 in 1001?  Because at the end of the 1001 days, you hope that you are a changed person, hopefully for the better.

I wanted to complete the set number of tasks – all predetermined.  In the first two years, however, I have found that I’ve accomplished some on the list, and some I’ve never thought about putting on the list.  I guess this is the driving principle force behind creating the list: that you discover that goals change the fundamental person that you are.

My oath for the coming year is that I need to foster and nurture not the individual goals that remain on my list, but the reason for the creation of those goals.  Why do I want to get personalized stationery? Why do I want to complete a Project 365?  Why do I want to learn to drive stick-shift?

I like who I am when I am keeping in touch with my friends at Christmas, I like having a lifestyle change in taking care of myself by quitting smoking; it makes me feel like a better steward to the planet when I give my time to the Cleveland Food Bank and old towels and sheets to the Geauga Rescue Shelter.

My goal for this year is me.  How do I become me?