I did join the yoga class that I wanted to as part of my goals. This time around (I’ve been to the Atma Center in the past), I’m really applying myself to the practice, focusing and breathing, trying to learn how to be “in the moment” and let go. This time around it’s been easier, for the most part. But I might have to drop my Saturday morning class and drop it for another class during the week. I can’t seem to let go in the morning of my weekend – so many things that I have to get done for the weekend, so many conflicts that I have to create resolution with during that time. I just really can’t turn my brain off.
Also, I’m finding out how pathetically weak and stiff my muscles are. I’ve mentioned in the past that I am having back and hip pain, so I have to modify a lot of the poses otherwise I’ll be hurting the rest of the day. But, in addition, simple things like standing twists, “running the mill” and “rowing the boat” leave the tendons along my back aching. In addition, my mother seemed to notice that I’m walking hunched over – which is less about being ashamed of my chest size (which The Boy seems to think is why I do that), and more about the fact that I have no abdominal strength.
In other news, my brother and I went out with an old friend of ours. We met back in high school, and she had introduced me to my high school boyfriend (the same one I went down town with a couple of months ago, and made an ass of myself with). Through time, and several iterations of our selves, I haven’t spoken to this friend in years. We met up at a Chinese restaurant from our past and had dinner.
With any of these meetings, I can see and hear the change in the other people, but I always wonder what people see in me over the years. I can’t really answer that, you spend every single day with yourself, and I know that I’m different, but I can’t name particulars. Right now, I can say that I’m overall a happier person, I feel I’m a lot more together, and I feel like I’m on the right track. And of course, my hair is different, I have better makeup, I take better care of myself, I wear different clothes. If I had to meet myself today for the first time in years, I would say I’m doing okay. Which is a big step from the past.