I had a hard Saturday night. My ex and I took the public train downtown to bar hop with his cousin and friend. In addition to public intoxication, public indecency (a long story), and general mischief, I made a complete ass of myself. Let’s just say that I way overdid it and I need to lock my phone before I get to the alcohol-reasoning point of though that drunk-texting-and-dialing is a good idea.
That was way bad.
Yesterday, I was going to do my taxes, and as I was looking for my W2 from [Retail Job], I realized that it was gone, inducing a huge panic and near-meltdown. I’ve had to call [Retail Job], and learn that because I am a non-active employee, I have to pay for a new W2, and I’ve had to file extension paperwork. What a pain in my ass. At least I’ve learned my lesson, and The Boy and I will be filing our taxes with our “people”.
On top of this, I was supposed to meet my friend (and Mary Kay rep) on the West side of town and go to the in-laws for Sunday Night Dinner(TM). I’m not sure whether it was the stress, the smoking/drinking the night before, The Boy’s cold, or what, but I am now fighting my own bug. Again. This is the third time in three months that I’ve been sick. I woke up this morning feeling like Hot Death, made worse by taking a bunch of vitamins, supplements, and cold medicine on an empty stomach. Now, I just have this awful run-down feeling, and I’m not looking forward to going to work tomorrow.
I was talking about looking forward to coming out of March and going into April, for the basic reason that I would be getting my bearings back. Slowly, I’m coming back on track. Of course, me regaining my equilibrium is not without it’s price, as per usual: I’m engaging in my discomforting compulsions: things have to be organized (or I get anxious), I have to write every bit of minutia in my head down or I forget (I’m non-functional without my scraps of paper and lists), purging (not food, but objects). The upside is that my base emotional level is higher than it used to be, so at least I’m not melancholy. I’m just spending my time searching out the equilibrium and feeling a little isolated. But, things are looking up; instead of fighting my compulsions this time, I’m going to give in to them – at least they aren’t self-destructive.