The last month and a half or so of my life has been very surreal, like a dream. I have never been a good transitioner, and this time was no exception. And while, no, I didn’t come home from my new grownup-person job in tears (unlike my first day of private high school, where I spent the entire day crying like a pussy in the gym teacher’s office — I’m not kidding), I have felt very out of synch with life in general.

In addition, The Boy lost his job, and neither of us knew where we were going to end up. Despite both of us having a very strange karma that turns out well, it turns out well in the zero hour usually. I’m very surprised that he recovered so quickly. He technically was unemployed for about a week and a half.

And then I lost my computer. I lost the brain that I had for seven years. It sustained me through the end of high school and all the way through college. I has suffered a meltdown in the past, but I was always able to recover. But the weird thing about it was that I rally just gave up on it. I said, “Fuck it, I have a grownup-person job, I’ll just buy another one.” And in a strange sense, I, who is always paranoid about spending money, even down to buying only appetizers when the office goes out to lunch, bought a laptop after test-driving one that belonged to my friend. And I haven’t looked back. It’s going to take a couple of pay periods to pay for it, but I still feel like this is mine. This is my second big purchase; and while I know I’ll be making more, this one feels very good.

I worked last night at [Retail Job], and it was weird that I was comforted by the familiarity of it. I’m just glad that I don’t have to rely on this job to pay my student loan and life expense bills. There’s a certain part of me that’s just glad that I have that stability and predictability.

So, for a while, I’m going to work to get my stability back, as well as a rhythm back to my life. Soon enough, and it’ll take baby steps, but I’m looking forward to having a real, grownup-person’s life.