I keep getting “outed” at my job.

First, I ran into a couple friend of my The Boy’s and I who live around [Retail Job] while I was working “The Worst Shift Ever…Shit Sandwich”. They asked, “Julia? What are you doing here?” [Believe me, I’m not fucking sure.]

Second, I saw a former teacher from eighth grade. Though she and I had a nice conversation until some cooze decided to be rude and snap her fucking fingers at me so I would wait on her.

Third, a woman who used to live on our street. I helped her pick a set of pearls for her daughter. She was pleasant.

And, fourth, a girl I graduated from high school with, got married in October of this year. I mean, she was pleasant and kind and whatnot, but I felt extremely uncomfortable in my lame retail job when I have a Business degree from a fairly decent university.

So, I’m on the lookout for a different job. I mean, it might not be fabulous and awesome, but it’s going to pay more, and at least I’m not going to run into anyone I know…and at least won’t be ashamed of it. I might as well face facts: to a certain extent, I’m a snob. I don’t expect everyone to have prestigious jobs, nor do I look down on anyone with such a job, or think any less of them. But I hate myself for having a shitty job that I took because it was better than unemployment, and am staying in because I was too lazy to put out resumes for a better one. I want to have a great wardrobe, good makeup and money. I’m not going to get that with a job at [Retail Job].

I would be able to take half of the complete shit I put up with if I were making more money. And any time I get lazy or complacent about the job search, all I have to do is look at my work schedule next week. Let’s face it: when you work retail, you get treated like shit. I didn’t spend all that time in school to be better educated and get screwed out of my lunch by a bunch of twits.

I like a lot of my coworkers, it’s a a good group to work with, and they are nice by themselves. But a few of them have no problem throwing you under the bus given the opportunity. My favorite has to have been when I watched the manager that hired me take a nice leisurely lunch (because she’s pregnant, and needs to feed the baby), and told me that instead of the lunch that I reasonably needed (now that I’m only able to eat 800 calories a day because I have no fucking time), I could only take 20 minutes (in which I was so fucking hungry, I took 25 minutes, because I couldn’t stop eating since I have only been eating 800 fucking calories a day).

I’m also really fucking sick of being scheduled alone in jewelry for 2 hours at a time with Christmas rush crowds!

I’m really trying not to hate this job.

Sometimes, Life serves you a cherry sundae.

And sometimes, Life serves you a shit sandwich.

I’m putting out my resumes. This is bullshit.

Some days, when I was in Ashland, and when I look at Facebook photos of people who live in Ashland, there is nothing that I want more than to have a quiet life, in the country, out of the way, just enjoying life for what it is, and appreciating the simplicity.

But then there are days, when I am here, when I am home, and I see the women at Nordstrom’s, driving their Mercedes and BMWs and Lexus(s), and I want a high-powered, career life with nice clothes and a nice car, and a nice house.

I don’t know how to reconcile both. I don’t know where the comfortable mix is. And it’s harder since I got engaged. Do I take the easy way out and find a job at an office and get married and live prospectively, in Ashland (or Medina) forever? Or, do I wait to schedule a date for the wedding until I’ve gotten midway through my graduate studies, and hope that I can balance my aspiring career with that of The Boy’s? Who makes concessions for who?

I just don’t know.